Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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