as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
