Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
