you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
