Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
