do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
