Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
