Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
