There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
