Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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