I just pynch a tree in the face
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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