see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
