remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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