soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
