It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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