So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
