There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
