Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
