my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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