Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got inside last night via doggy door
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
