My Higher Power is John Stamos
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
