Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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