Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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