i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
