The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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