Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
