as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
