I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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