Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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