I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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