he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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