i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I understand Curling. That high.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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