Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
