my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
