remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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