She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
