When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
