ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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