What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
