he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
