well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
