the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
