for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
