You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So much rum. So many feels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
