My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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