I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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