I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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