Where did you get a picture of my penis
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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