erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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