Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
