I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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