It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
