I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
