hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Even my vagina gasped.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
