Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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