the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
